12 Acts for Becoming Fearless at Work and in Life
by Margie Warrell ( McGraw Hill, 2009).
Margie Warrell, an internationally known and highly respected executive and life coach, speaker and writer, has gifted us all with this wonderful book that is both deeply enlightening and amazingly inspiring. It is a “ must read” for anyone who wants to live life out loud.
Watch this short yet truly terrific video by internationally known and highly respected coach Michael Bungay Sayer, and see if you’re not smiling by the time it’s over!
We just started the third month of the New Year and it is time to see how your commitment to starting a regular workout in 2010 is actually working out. Now, if just reading the word “exercise” made you cringe – even just a little – I think it’s safe to say that you have not yet honored your commitment to yourself. I think it is also safe to say that you are not one of those people I saw jogging down the street while I was trudging through two feet of snow and ankle-deep slush. (Talk about commitment!) Nevertheless, if you’re a Hill staffer and you are still just thinking (or, possibly, trying to forget) about starting an exercise routine, I suggest that you might want to hold off on starting one right now, but I also urge you to please read on.
First, let me be clear about something, I am not advocating becoming a slug. On the contrary, I encourage my clients (staffers and non-staffers) to engage in regular exercise. My concern here is that, given how crazy the next few weeks will be on the Hill, trying to establish a new routine right now is risky business. An exercise routine requires a time commitment, and the amount of time you will have to devote to anything besides work is going to be in short supply. If you try to start a new routine now, there’s a good chance that you won’t make it far out of the gate. An unsuccessful attempt won’t help you now and, since the experience could reinforce an underlying mindset against exercise you might be harboring, it will sabotage a future attempt to start a full exercise program.
However, what you can do right now is to start priming yourself so that you are more likely to engage in regular exercise once recess rolls around. You can begin right now by tweaking some of your daily and usual behaviors so that you incorporate at least some exercise into your workday. I’m talking about simple things that you already know you can do. For instance, walking instead of riding; taking the stairs instead of the elevator; or doing something totally radical like stop working for a few minutes to take a brisk walk around the halls or around the block (it’s okay – you earned a few minutes).
Personal Trainer Doug Murphy recommends using a small, lightweight and inexpensive pedometer and setting a goal of taking 10,000 or more steps per day. “It’s a simple and effective way to track your activity level, and enables you to set progressively more challenging goals and attain them. The more steps you take, the more calories you burn. Not only will you be preparing yourself for an exercise program (goal-setting, tracking, and accountability), you will actually have started one!”
Obviously, these are not physically demanding tweaks. Still, any exercise is better than no exercise, and what these tweaks can do is help reverse the physiological and psychological effects of stress (and you certainly will have plenty of that). They make you stop and focus on yourself for a few minutes, which is something that seems to happen less and less when work gets crazy. They also help bring your awareness to your behavior and chip away at any possible underlying mindset you might have against exercising. If anything, the challenging part about tweaking is being aware, of and taking advantage of, all the tweaking opportunities your workday presents. But, before you pooh-pooh this, why not check it out and challenge yourself and see how many times and how many different ways you can integrate some kind of exercise into this workday.
Once you start engaging in these small behavioral changes, don’t be surprised if you suddenly find the inspiration to take things to the next level and incorporate even more exercise into your daily life. Maybe you will go from taking the stairs to taking 5-10 minutes here and there to lift some weights, dance around the living room, or do push-ups and crunches while watching television. Be sure to mix it up and alternate doing cardio, strength-building and stretching exercises in your short workouts. Whatever you do, try to do it a minute longer each day and ratchet up the intensity each time. If you reach a point where you’re doing three 10-minute workouts a day, give yourself a break every 4th day. Rest is important, too.
Short workouts might not seem like a lot of exercise, but they can be just as effective as long workouts, and their schedule-friendly feature makes it easier for you to keep with the program even when you get crazy busy. Even better, your short workouts don’ t have to be elaborate in order for you to experience results. Just have fun with them and be creative. By the time recess rolls around, you will have developed new behaviors and a mind-set whereby exercise is no longer something you’re still thinking about doing, it’s something you’re actually doing.
Happy Tweaking, Tricia
Whenever a Hill staffer tells me that the demands of his or her job prevent them from being in a “relationship”, my usual response is, “Only if you think it does.” Yes, it’s true your job presents some challenges, but it is not going to prevent you from having a “relationship”. On the contrary, if you are a Hill staffer who is really looking to be in a “relationship”, you do not even need to venture beyond the Capitol steps to make it happen. Just use Hill-Linked.
Hill-Linked is not an internet social networking site. (Although, I confess took the precautionary measure of buying the domain name a few minutes ago.) Hill-Linked is the term I use to refer to the unique real-world social network that exists on the Hill. You see, unlike the rest of the planet where the “six degrees of separation” theory applies, on the Hill there are only two degrees of separation. Three tops! This means any Hill staffer who puts his or her mind to it could eventually link to any and every other Hill staffer.
I supposed there are times when you might want to take advantage of having access to so many people, but when it comes to finding “special someone“ (more “quotes”!) it might be helpful to focus in a bit. Don’t misread me here. I think having 500 Facebook friends or being linked to 80,000 or more people on a social networking site is great and I am all for it. Hey, I’m hoping you all become Capital LifeWorks Facebook fans, but I digress. What is important to know is that since Hill-Linked is a real-world social network it is more structured and less chaotic than on-line networks.
Your Hill-Links are all the staffers with whom you make a conscious effort to have some type of personal or professional relationship. (An important distinction to note.) Whether they are people currently in your network or people you will add to it at some future point, Hill-Links, by definition, are not random connections. They are significant, and maintaining these links, as well as adding new links, will involve some time and attention on your part. Therefore, using Hill-Linked will require more of an effort than on-line social networking does but it is energy well spent. Besides, if you are seriously looking to be in a “relationship”, it makes sense to devote more time and attention to your cause.
Your Hill-Links are people who know you, and with whom you have a lot in common. Anyone of them might be the link or one of the links to that “special someone” you have yet to meet. Anyone of them might be a link to someone you want to get to know better. Anyone of them can link you to people you might never had met by yourself. (Oh, FYI, research shows most successful relationships result from a third party introducing two people. I’m just sayin’.)
You can add new Hill-Links anytime and they can result from purposeful action or pure serendipity. You just never know when the next one will come along. Most importantly, every new Hill-Link you acquire automatically increases your chances of meeting that “special someone”, and it is also certainly possible that one of your Hill-Links just might turn out to be that “special someone.” (Another reason to pay attention.)
You certainly have nothing to lose by using Hill-Linked; it doesn’t pose any identity threats or stuff like that. If anything, it will get you out and about and you will probably find it very satisfying and rewarding. Using Hill-Linked can help you build relationships on and off the Hill, which is always a good thing both personally and professionally. Moreover, because they stem from a network you consciously nurture, they will be more meaningful than most on-line connections.
So, if you ever think your job is preventing you from being in a “relationship”, you might take a moment to re-think that notion. You might also want to a look around and notice that, without venturing past the Capitol steps, you have plenty of options and opportunities to meet someone new, and meeting someone is the necessary first step to developing a “relationship”. What happens after you meet is all up to you.
I hope you will share your thoughts and comments about social networking on the Hill. Oh, and I hope more of you will continue to email me your views and/or stories on bipartisan dating. (I will keep them confidential.)
Thanks and Happy Hill-Linking, Tricia
photo by John Costanza
Did you ever think of stress as being habit-forming? Well, it is. In fact, the habitual qualities of stress are why some people thrive on stress to the point of abusing it while others find it difficult to prevent it or eliminate it from their lives. However, whether you misuse it or can’t seem to lose it, stress begets stress, and developing a stress habit is definitely not a good thing.
How It Begins
A stress habit starts as a conscious reaction to some outside stimulus. For example, the stress you feel while you are stuck in traffic when on your way to an important meeting. While you sit in your car and fume, your brain is busy tagging that experience as a stressor and establishing an associated memory in which it equates traffic with stress. Then, whenever you are caught in traffic (even if you are not in a hurry), your brain recalls the associated memory and you register a stress response.
Unless you aware this is happening, and unless you tell your brain to stop, the process will repeat. On each repetition, it finds a shorter route through your brain circuitry, allowing it to occur faster each time. Within a short while, the process has transformed your original conscious stress reaction into an automatic unconscious reaction — and you have yourself a stress habit. Continuing with our example, this is why you might stress out so easily whenever you sit in traffic, or get stressed just thinking about traffic.
Does Any of This Sound Familiar?
The type of people most likely to develop stress habits fall into two basic groups. Let us refer to them as Group A, the people who seem to feed off stress; and Group B, the people who seem to fall victim to it. Each group has a specific set of habits, although it is possible for a person to exhibit symptoms of both groups.
The stress habits of the people in Group A include believing they work best when under pressure or in a crisis mode; being impatient; disliking situations in which they are not in control; and becoming easily annoyed by situations other people usually take in stride. They will often talk about how busy they are and yet they will seldom turn down an opportunity to take on more work or responsibility. However, their eagerness does not necessarily result in positive outcomes.
The stress habits of people in Group B include using stress as a way of compensating for feelings of fear or inadequacy; becoming easily distressed or overwhelmed; being reluctant to initiate solutions to their problems; and having a tendency to employ unhealthy coping strategies, such as over-eating or self-medicating, on a regular basis. They also develop mindsets that become increasingly constrictive, making them prone to focus on obstacles or difficulties as opposed to opportunities and benefits.
Such a Bad Habit
As with most habits, the longer you have a stress habit it the harder it is to break and the worse it becomes. As your stress level increases, so does the threat it poses to your physical health and well-being. A high stress level also adversely affects on your emotional and behavioral functioning. It diverts your attention, skews your perspective, restricts your thinking, and promotes regressive, passive aggressive, or avoidance behaviors.
You can never derive any real benefit from a stress habit since both its short-term and long-term effects are either self-destructive or self-defeating. Nothing good can come from relinquishing your self-control over to the effects of stress or making stress a staple of your life.
But Here is a Good Idea
It is very difficult to notice when your brain initiates a stress habit. However, now, you at least know what signs to look for so you can tell your brain to stop! If you have a stress habit, I urge you to get the help you need to get rid of it. Think about how foolish it is to have this habit and how it is actually making you miserable. Stop being your own worst enemy! Besides, with all the stress that exists in our environment or naturally occurs in your life, why in the world would you want any more?
by Daniel Gilbert (Vintage Books, 2005)
This book is a terrific read but, more importantly, offers tremendous insight into how we think of “happiness.” It helps the read gain a fresh and realistic perspective on what real happiness is all about and how we “find” it. Interesting and great fun to read, the scientific research included in the book make is required reading for anyone who ever spends even a moment wondering about life.
by Wayne W. Dyer (Fitzhenry & Whiteside Limited, 1978).
PBS aficionados are, no doubt, familiar with Dr. Dyer’s teleseminars and lectures on health, healing and spiritualism. However, this is one of his earlier works (reprinted several times), that discusses issues such as self-esteem, owning one’s emotions, and building confidence. The book also offers advice and exercises aimed at eliminated problems in these areas. It is a perfect primer for anyone interested in getting the basics for managing his or her own life. The fact that the book is still being printed is proof of its value.
by Daniel G. Amen, M.D. (Three Rivers Press, 1998).
You don’t have to be into neurobiology to find this book interesting. Written to help people conquer anxiety, depression, obsessiveness, anger, and impulsive, the book is a testament as to how/why making changes in your life requires changing the way you think. It also offers extremely helpful suggestions and advice as to how to change your thinking. Among other things, this book is a valuable tool for anyone looking to break a bad habit. Even just the images of the effects cigarettes, drugs and alcohol have on the brain are enough to help anyone re-think their habits.
by Sanjay Gupta, MD, (Warner Wellness, 2007).
As Dr. Gupta says, “the goal of this book is to help you extend your active life.” This book is an excellent resource for information on how to live a truly healthy life. Don’t let the title dissuade you from reading this book. This book is not just for those of us who are past the midpoint in our lifespan. It’s about aging successfully period. Let’s face it, everyone is constantly aging. You are aging right now as you read this paragraph. I highly recommend it for anyone looking to improve his or her overall health.
A young woman moves to another city where she plans to attend law school. A 35-year old man learns that the firm he works for is downsizing. A middle-aged woman becomes a widow after being married for 27 years. What do all these people have in common? If you answered that all three people are confronting change, you would only be partially correct. The complete answer needs to include that they are also confronting “uncertainty,” the greatest common denominator of all forms of change. It must also include that all three people are facing a challenge, which is the essence of all change. However, that might be where the commonality ends. That is because how each person deals with uncertainty and meets a particular challenge will determine whether each will complete a transformation process wherein he or she successfully acknowledges, embraces, and incorporates change it into their respective lives.
Our First Reaction
Uncertainty is the immediate psychological response every one of us experiences when confronted by any type of change. Although an individual’s personality, perspective, and self-esteem all play a role in how that person deals with change, even the strongest and most resilient of us are vulnerable to the sense of uncertainty it incites in us. This is because every instance or type of change indicates that some element of life as we knew it is over. We know that things will never be the same, but we do not know how this change will affect our lives and influence our future. Our uncertainty starts to provoke feelings of confusion, angst and self-doubt, but uncertainty alone will not derail the transformation process. It is when we fail to examine and come to terms with our uncertainty that it can quickly manifest into fear, and that is when the wheels start to come off the bus.
What Are We Thinking
Once fear intertwines with change, it does not take long for a downward spiral to occur. We start to focus only on our fear and we fail to focus on the challenge that change is presenting us: namely, whether or not we will use it as an opportunity to alter our own lives. The fact is every situation of change provides us an opportunity to either add a new and positive element to our lives or eliminate an element that has been or will soon be working against us. However, when we fail to address and eradicate our fear of change we practically guarantee that we will fail to meet its challenge. Instead, we engage in self-defeating behaviors, such as avoidance strategies, and we become caught up in additional negative emotions, such as hurt and anger. Our expectations about the future become impracticable, unfounded or exaggerated. Our stress levels soar and cause us to develop real, and sometimes serious, physical ailments. We feel hopeless and helpless, and we act accordingly.
Despite its origin, form, or nature, change is unavoidable and, one way or another, it is going to affect our lives. However, when we turn change into a fear factor, we not only fail its challenge, we torpedo the entire transformation process. We refuse to acknowledge the change, and we evade it instead of embracing it. We begin to dwell so much on the past that we mentally paralyze ourselves. By this time, there is no way we can incorporate the change into our lives because we are incapable of implementing the purposeful steps needed to do so. As a result, we miss any and every opportunity to use the change to our benefit. Instead, we fall victim to change and the most we can do now is hope for the best. Good luck with that.
Change comes in many forms. It can be anticipated or unexpected, initiated by an outside source, or we can initiate change ourselves. The ironic thing about change is that it is a constant part of life, but we still manage to struggle with it. At best, every one of us has an extremely limited, if any, ability to control change. What we all do have, however, is the complete ability to control our emotions and our behaviors when confronted by change. Being able to express openly your feelings and concerns about change, and finding a means of support for working through the transition process, is the best way to ensure that you will meet the challenge, seize the opportunity, and use change as a way to enhance your life.
